The Rebirth of True Hip Hop

Last week, I witnessed something.
Something incredible
The rebirth of true hip hop
It was definitely on life support, but Kanye West revived it in a 34-minute short film that pretty much changed my life.
I have always been a pretty big fan of Kanye’s, but RUNAWAY takes the cake.
This man has gone where only one other artist has gone before him.
Kanye is on some MJ shit!

So, I’m convinced.
I am convinced that no one will ever truly get the genius that is Kanye West
I watched the ENTIRE thing, over and over again, afraid that I had missed something, discovering something new and better each time.
I studied it, and I have derived the conclusion that Kanye West is a force to be reckoned with.
His whole creative mind transferred over to beautiful imagery, break-taking cinematography, off-the-wall instances of perfect clarity.
They might as well wrapped it up and take it to the Academy Awards and admit it as a short.
I was so impressed and my mind was so blown.
First of all, I had heard none of the hype surrounding the premiere.
I didn’t know what was coming and when it was coming.
I just happened to be online while it was blowing up on Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Google, Yahoo and every other social network that one can only dream of impacting.
I wasn’t expecting any of that, and when it hit me, it hit me hard.
It was hip hop, the way that I love it.
It was funny and sweet and random and classy and beautiful and everything about it opened up my creative mind.
Not sure if Kayne West sleeps.
And I’m sure that people (the haters) will be giving him grief, interpreting it in their own shallow closed minds, over-analyzing it to mean what they want it to mean.
Never truly paying attention to the art.
It was moving art.
I wanted to laugh and cry and fall in love and I felt every emotion all at the same time.
It was so typical of life.
You meet the one. A challenge is obviously and painfully acknowledged. You receive ridicule for being different. You stick together. You lose the one.
So like true life.

I clenched my chest when Selita’s character talked about the differences between her world and Kanye’s world. So, so very true. Almost controversial, but it didn’t matter. I was so glad to be involved in the process. I felt like I was taking a journey through Kanye’s mind, and we were traveling together and everything felt so familiar. Just brilliant stuff.

AND THE MUSIC

The music in this short film was awesome. Hard-hitting lyrics. Melodic beats. Set the mood just right for the entire film. My favorite was the end when Kanye sampled Bon Iver’s “Woods”. I LOVE that song and Kayne killed it! Made it even better. The fact that Kanye knows so many genres of music puts him above anyone else doing hip hop right now. I mean, just off the wall type stuff. And “Woods” only has four lines in the entire song. They are just repeated and Kayne nailed that sampling on the head.

All in all, film was epic.
When the cd drops, that will be epic.
Kanye West is ahead of the game.
He has catapulted himself into a place that I never thought that I would see him.
The visionary
The artist
The musician
The director
The creative genius
Selita Ebanks is about to get SO much exposure.
I love the fact that Kanye uses every resource that he knows.
He is good at recognizing talent and what works and what doesn’t.
I mean, she was absolutely beautiful as the Pheonix.
I love the action. I love the sweet “Charlie Chaplin” moments.
Her costume was outstanding.
All in all, this gave me everything that I desired in life.
I’m glad that I can rest easy knowing that the genre of music that I love so much is not dead.
There are people like Kanye West, who have a true love for Hip Hop burning in their soul, and doesn’t mind taking it all the way to the edge.

WTF is up with Montana Fishburne?

I know that it’s been a minute. I just haven’t had the motivation to write anything lately.
But now, something mind-boggling has come to my attention.
If you haven’t already, take a look at the new B. Pumper and Chippie D video, posted on Youtube, sparking all kinds of buzz.

Now, I’m not one to discourage anyone from a life of porn.
I mean, I consider it a form of entertainment and if that is what you want to do, then by all means, be my guest.
But this here, takes the cake. This story has been circulating for a while, especially in the last couple of weeks or so. All bloggers were commenting on the fact that Chippie D is going into a career of porn, and that she is Laurence Fishburne’s 19 year old daughter.
Apparently, this little girl was not “accepted” in the Playboy world and just decided to say “Fuck it.”
Literally.
So, she got a huge name to put her onto game.
Yes, people. Believe it or not, Brian Pumper is a huge name in the profession of adult entertainment.
Not many start off that high in the ranks when they first enter into the profession.
Usually doesn’t happen like that
I mean, you would to “fuck” your way up the adult movie chain.
With that being said, I’m not understanding how it can be said that she is doing this simply to be put on
To invest herself in her future, which will ultimately be acting and all that
The reason that I don’t buy this is because she has a FAMOUS father
who must be crying himself to sleep and buying a disposable untraceable phone daily
If she wanted those things, it’s not like he can make it happen.
I think that this must be the first time that someone who is directly related to someone very famous, went into a career of adult entertainment.
And did it so publicly!
I mean, no one had to wonder if the “rumors” were true or not
Don’t she seem proud in the music video with Brian Pumper?
Sure was smiling hard to me
LOL
I just think that it’s so degrading to that to yourself and then blame it on Playboy.
What the hell ever.
I think that she was always intending to go into this profession, because she wanted just until she was legal enough to do it
I mean, she is just barely 19 now.
I think that it was her intention all along and she is just bringing her poor father along for the ride
Hmph!
I think that entertainment nowadays is not really based on talent, per say.
It seems to be more of a publicity thing
For instance, when Soulja Boy first came out, no one didn’t know what to expect
I mean, he was just a little boy with a catchy tune
No one really checked into that he was talking about on Crank that Soulja Boy
Everyone had their kids and loved one and grandparents singing it
Didn’t even know how vulgar the lyrics really were
And that he is really talking about having orgasms and shooting them on the women
How degrading is that?
I think that Montana just wants her 15 minutes of fame and after that, she may “come” to her senses and try to do something constructive and less embarrassing with her life.
And probably, in the meantime, she can convince Brian Pumper to give up rapping and music altogether and keep his day job.
I mean, night job.

*up*

it is so important to move up
to get going forward
in spite of
because of
GO UP
i get so tired of explaining myself
day in and day out
explaining my actions
explaining my decisions
explaining my reasoningt shit gets so old after a while
i’m waiting on someone to support me
to love me
to want me
to understand me
i have yet to find that
love is slightly overrated
i get tired of making my life work for myself
thank God for Jesus!
i’m not sure where i would be without my faith

family is unusual
especially mine
i find myself becoming a different person for each family member
everyone wants me to be what they want me to be
and they seem to be disappointed when i can’t be
i don’t feel in control of anything
i don’t feel like i have found my true purpose
apparently life is comprised of small fuck-ups
and monumental fuck ups

i hate when i feel like i am all by myself
like there is no one there that understands
and maybe no one does
i don’t think that the purpose of existing is simply so that another human being can understand you
that’s way too simple

my mother always told me that the greatest thing to have in the world is UNDERSTANDING
i used to didn’t get that
always wondered exactly what that meant
but then i got older
and got a few more experiences under my belt
and then i realized: those are the words of the wise
i think that wisdom comes with growth as a person, not necessarily with age
a child can have a thousand experiences, both good and bad, and be more wise than a 70 year old, with limited amount of experiences
and who’s to say that one learns from each experience?
i think that growth helps one to move UP

live a life with no regrets
be sorry for nothing
that is the goal
and if there is some wrong done on my part, i straighten it out immediately because you never know
you never know when you breathe your last breathe or say your last “i love you” to someone special.
you just never know
life is all about working around and accepting changes
that has been my biggest struggle ever
learning how to accept the things that change in my life
and then adjusting to said changes
can be the hardest damn thing in the world
i had my love
i lost my love
i let go of my love, actually
i had my school
i let go of my school
got another school
now what?
the majority of the time, i analyze my life
i sit down and go over piece by piece
what did i fail at?
why did i fail?
was it meant to be?
is it my time yet?
was it all in vain?
is there PURPOSE?
i spend so much time processing those things
making sure i did EVERYTHING that i could
and that i was the BEST at whatever i did
now i think that it’s all coming together
i am finding out the meaning of purpose
and it hurts like hell
but i’m sure that, at the end of the journey, i will discover more about myself and the people around me than i ever hoped to discover
and that will be a day to look UP

missj

*the dash in between*

for years, i have had questions
questions about life
questions about the dash
you know, the dash
the thing that actually defines you
your legacy
your purpose
your reason for existence
you are born
you live out the “dash”
and then you die
that dash has become everything to me
lately i have re-evaluated everything in my life
the people
the choices
the decisions
the past
the present
the future
everything has come under close scrutiny
and i think that there is no need to really trust anyone
i have discovered that it is better to depend on no one
it seems like they all let you down….eventually
so, now i’m wondering if that is the life that i am meant to live
a life with no one in it that i can really trust
how sad
i wish that i had known the things before that i know now.
i think that i would have been a better person
probably would have had even less people in my corner, but i think that i would have been happier
i look back and i realize how naive i was
how utterly in the dark i was about life and its consequences
wow
did i do anything right?
that is the question i would ask myself when the dash is over
the life that i have known on earth is over
did i really do anything right?

today was epic
went through some mess
came out of some drama
and now, i’m wondering was it all for the right reasons
i hate drama
i hate being in the middle of mess
i don’t like gossip
i’m a pretty well kept person
i’m a peacemaker
i’m a lover, not a fighter
but i will fight for the ones that i love
and yet, i still ask, was it all for the best?
was it right?
was it enough?
was i able to spot good people and did they fit right in my life?
was i a good judge of character?
i mean, true character?
i ask myself this so many times
life can be so disappointing
but can find ways to be so fulfilling at the same time.

i spend so much of my time looking for the knife in my back
trying to discover who is really for me and who isn’t
and the shit always ends up hitting the fan
i may be called the “seeker of truth”
i just can’t be in the dark about anything because i spent so much of my life not knowing much of anything
i’m worried now
i’m worried that my dash is going to be too painful to look on and recall in the future
and my future is bright
everytime i think about it, i get smiles and a light shines in my heart
but i have to remember that i have to get through this time
this present that i have been given
this is what i need to work on right now if i want to have any hope for the future
but, as of right now, my dash is still undetermined
i am still thinking of ways to make that dash mean something
and i have yet to discover that
i don’t have a loyal friend in the world
or a decent person to talk to that i trust
that has been a huge word for me lately
what in the hell is the trust?
i feel like i have encountered the worst of the crop in my 21 years
damn
wasn’t i a good enough person
i ask that many times a day
i just think that it will all be revealed to me when i’m ready
and wise
perhaps that is the day that the dash in between will equal a life worth living
and loving.

missj

*trust is an option*

so, i recently connected with an old friend, Jay
yeah, we had bad beef and haven’t righteously spoken in nearly 3 years
i haven’t seen him since november
of course, i have no social life and don’t get out much
but i saw him a week ago at a gay club (was with friends, so don’t ask) and we just kind of hit it back off
i always think that it’s convenient to get back into touch with people who already know you
of course, people change, or one would hope they change, within the course of 3 years, but you find yourself not trying as hard to impress them
which is a score for both of us
and he has really missed me
so, me and him have been talking this past week and everything has been gravy
but with the renewal of this friendship, i have discovered so many things
who in the hell can you trust?
i mean, we have talked over so many things and have analyzed every person in our lives
and i’m left with one question
who the hell can be trusted?
as of right now, my answer is no one but the good lord

so this is the dilemma
i have a friend named TQ
and we have been friends for 3 years
but we have had 3 big fall outs or whatever
sometimes we don’t see eye to eye on things and her way of dealing with stuff is putting a LOT of space between us
but, anyway, i have confided in her about everything
i mean, there is nearly nothing that i keep from her
and i was sure that it was vice versa
so, i’ve been having “man” problems and i discussed them with her because she is my friend
but she pretty much know what’s going on
i shared everything with her about me and my love life
or lack thereof
when i started back talking to my friend, he pretty told me my whole life story back to me
and we haven’t spoken in 3 years
i was in utter shock and horror
how the hell did he know what i was doing and what i had been up to?
then we found the source
the one thing that i didn’t know that we had in common
it was TQ
it was a friend that TQ and Jay share
who is completely irrelevant to me since i don’t like the guy
but TQ told him ALL MY BUSINESS and then he reported to Jay like some little bitch
i have never been a messy person
i have never been involved with mess
or have started mess
i prefer to stay to myself and not worry about things that i have no control over
but i was angry
it’s another thing to share your life with your friend
anything that goes on with you in one thing
but when you share private personal events of other friends’ lives with other friends, shit starts to hit the fan quick
i live in birmingham, alabama
shit gets around so quick in birmingham that by the time you go the mailbox, three people across the street have recorded it and all of YOUTUBE know
i mean, it’s not that big and if you know one person, you know 20 people’s personal business
i couldn’t believe that TQ, of all people, would confide in someone like that and then spill all of my personal business
that really hurt my feelings, and as a result, i have lost trust
trust is like jobs
so hard to come by nowadays, and for me, once it’s gone, it’s really hard to get it back
it’s just nature for me
Jay told me all about my love and everything that i have been through in the past 2 months
i mean, he knew EVERYTHING
SMDH
i talked to TQ tonight and i really wanted to go off and make a huge scene on the telephone
but Jay told me not to
and i’m glad that i didn’t because that would have beget drama
it’s hard to do something when more than one person is involved in something
with this crazy ring, there’s me, TQ, Jay, the other guy and maybe a few other people who i know nohting about
it’s awful
i can understand TQ’s concern about me and my love life
i mean, when you are in love, that’s just it
everything matters, but your love matters in an entirely different way
and “he” is my family
it’s like we share the same blood and the same heart and the same mind
i can’t breathe without him
it’s just a connection like none other that i have in my life
or ever will have for that matter
and i can see why
trust is sparingly available nowadays
i’m so sad for TQ
she is not going to get 100% out of me, because i’m hurt
and i really don’t know how to approach her on that without it turning into a huge thing
oh well

there goes that friendship

missj

*just friends*

i get so amused by this phrase
“we are just friends”
what the hell does that mean?
“well, we occasionally get together and screw like hyenas in heat, but we’re just friends”
whatever
i am so tired of that phrase being abused
terribly used and referred to as the “cut buddy”
“no strings attached”
“friend with benefits”
“i scratch your back and you scratch mine” type arrangement
that is so old and played
people need to be more honest with themselves
they justify not being real adults and replace it with childish games
i, myself, can understand how one can get caught up in a situation like this
it’s so easy
for example:
you are really feeling this person
they are really feeling you
but, all the while, drama lies underneath
could be confusing history
bad attempt at first relationship
worse attempt at second relationship
career taking front seat
anything
there are so many factors that play in the removal of the “traditional, committed relationship”
so anyway, you don’t want to throw away the history that you have with this person
for some reason or another, they feel the same way
and although you two are unable to make it “work” at this moment in time, you agree to try “other methods” of keeping it in the balance
so, you try casual dating
only see each other when you have time, but no strings
allowing each other to breathe
then you try casual sex
which, of course, is an oxymoron in itself
and everything is fine
life is great
no strings attached
no committment
no weird attempt at another “failed” perception of a relationship
just occassional meet-ups for lunch
and sex
and to top it off, the sex is always great
the non-committed
non-attached
no-worry sex
oh yeah
believe me
it’s the best that a non-relationship can offer
for a while, everything is smooth
but then, you or they meet someone
someone interesting
someone worth finding out about
someone worth getting to know
then everything changes
the slick remarks saying “we are just friends” no longer holds its appeal
it becomes vile and offensive
it’s no longer fun and “organized”

so, i feel like the whole “just friends” thing is a myth, created by people who don’t want to commit
but still want that particular person in their life
and all they can offer them is a cold beer and some hot sex
and eventually, as it always does, that gets old
and played out

sometimes it better to learn from one’s mistakes
don’t get me wrong
i love my babe and i danced around the whole “just friends” things for a long, long time
in four years of knowing each other, we dated four
i broke if off because he just wasn’t ready to play “boyfriend”
and even after that, we were still engaging in questable activities for two people who were supposed to not be TOGETHER
or whatever the hell that means
but we never dated other people
but we never tried to give our thing another go
and that always left us with questions
“what are we really?”
“what is our title?”
“what shall i call you?”
“isn’t ‘friend’ a bit informal?”
“why should i call you my friend when we do so many ‘unfriendly’ things?”
you start making up excuses to not move on, as if you are in a real relationship
my favorite thing to say:
“oh, it’s complicated right now.”
that’s a damn lie!
nothing about love is really complicated
it’s just that people try to make it into a riddle
something that must be solved and conquered and it’s much more complex than that.
sometimes it’s merely about believing
believing that people are placed in your life for a reason and then figuring out how they fit
if you are meant to be with someone, in time, you will be
can’t rush it
can’t make it happen
can’t make it not happen
it just will fall in place at its own rate
and in its own time

now, if only i could take my own advice
[taps finger on chin]
hmm

missj

*killing me softly*

i saw him tonight
and i swear my heart almost stopped
i couldn’t believe it
i didn’t know whether to slap him or hug him
i almost died
and wanted to cry
but there he was
after nearly five months of not seeing him
of not being near him every day
he was there
in the background
blended in
barely noticeable
and my entire crew was looking to see what i would do
i had just spoken his name five seconds before i saw him
literally five seconds
one
two
three
four
five
and there he was
in the back of the club
looked different
but the same
that smile
immediately melt my heart in a puddle that dropped to the floor
made it hard for me to stand straight
lost all concentration
he had a Mohawk
was very, very cute
i mean, good looking
had on shades
in the back of the club
i hugged him
and hugged him
and talked to him
and laughed with him
and fought back tears that had accumulated for five months
and then i hugged him so more

so, truth is, he’s living in livingston, alabama
working full time
manager at sam’s club
taking up classes in hoover
but hasn’t started yet
he smelled like lotion and baby powder
sweet smelling neck
don’t remember that
but i remember him
i was smiling like some geek in an arcade
no, like a gambler at a bingo hall
no, like a gambler in tunica, mississippi
yeah, yeah
more like that

i now can understand what the old folks mean by unconditional love
it’s just something that stays with you
i mean, no matter how angry and upset you may get at the person
they got your heart
and will always stay with you
how wonderful is that?
no, he hasn’t always done right or treated me right
but i consider myself to be so blessed to have him in my life

all this time i’ve been trying to understand his purpose in my life
why the hurt?
why the pain?
why the persistence on my end?
i swear, when i looked into his eyes, it all went away
i damn near forgot everything
he looked like a superstar
no, he looked like a man
a man with an agenda
so many people knew him and were smiling at him and wanting to be close to him

at that point, i was happy.
even if it was a lie
and even if it was only a moment.

i was truly happy.

missj