What’s the Worst that Could Happen?

I don’t consider myself to be cynical

I do consider myself to hope for the best, but always prepare for the worst

Because, in my experiences, the worst has nearly ALWAYS occured

And when I have a feeling about something, it is always justified.

Today was the day of reckoning

Today was the day to lay everything out on the line

My love was supposed to go to court to see about the fate of his relationship with his first and only child

Oh my god.

I think that everything that could have gone wrong, did.

I expected it

I felt it down deep in my soul

He doesn’t listen to me

He doesn’t listen to anyone.

He went into that courtroom blindly, without a clue as to what would happen.

He now has to pay $246 for ONE CHILD.

He even has to get a lawyer in order to get visitation and other rights for the child, who lives in Pennsylvania.

I told him not to  underestimate the situation.

I told him that I had a feeling that something “not right” was going to happen.

He doesn’t even have a job or a car right now

and to have to pay nearly 300 bucks for a kid that he hasn’t seen in two years

and to pay for one that he can’t even get a DNA test on because he signed the birth certificate.

I’m so disgusted, that I don’t know what the hell to do.

and I know exactly what happened.

He went in there, posted up like a gargoyle or some type of statue, and didn’t open his mouth about anything.

He said that he had a strategy.

He said that he had everything worked out.

And he went in there and pretty much got everything taken from him.

His manhood

His rights as a father

His rights as a parent.

His rights to see or talk to his child

He definitely lost.

He lost big and bad, too.

I can’t help but feeling like this is all his fault

I told him

I warned him.

I don’t understand why he takes things so lightly.

I even had a way for him to discuss his situation with a lawyer

He didn’t seem to think that was necessary.

Now, he has to pay quite a bit out of pocket, for a child out of state, that he can’t see or talk to.


I don’t know why, but my heart is broken all in my chest

I hate being right on things that I want to be wrong about.


Why can’t anything go right for me or the people that I am involved with?

Oh, and by the way, he has to have the first payment for child support by AUGUST 1ST.

In case you happened to not have a calender by, that’s NEXT THURSDAY.

I feel like I got shafted, and it’s not even my kid.

We’re not even married…yet.

So, doing the math, with the number that they gave him, he would have to pay $2,952 a year for his daughter.

My dad barely made that much when he was on disability.

That means that whatever job he gets, it’s going to have to cover that number, but the cost of his own personal living.

I am literally sick to my stomach right now.

I’m not a selfish person, by nature, but for some reason, it seems like all of this just happened to me

Like I am the one paying for it.

I am with him

We’re supposed to be getting married late next year.

How in the hell is this happening?


I am asking myself so many questions because I can’t ask him

He doesn’t want to talk.

I guess he is realizing how royally fucked up this is.


I’m about to take some Extra Strength Excedrin and lay down.

Don’t have the energy for anything else today

No, don’t have the energy for anything else this damn week.



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