Holding Back the Years

Now, I’m beginning to fear.
This is really starting to take a turn for the worst.
Why can’t life be like the movies?
Fairy tales make love look and feel so simple
and it’s just not that way.

I feel like I’m drowning in emotions and feelings
I can barely breathe
This is an all-consuming monster, sucking the very life out of me.

I don’t think that I can continue to go on with him.
We have not been together in over two weeks, and things have just gotten more and more complicated.
We were supposed to be working on getting along, and trusting each other.
Now, I feel as if this experiment was all in vain.
I am getting to the point where I don’t care, and when I get there, it’s hard for me to obtain any understanding.

I don’t know why people try to justify being in a bad situation
especially when you don’t have to damn be in it.
I do not feel like I should allow myself to be without…anything necessary.
Why should I?
There are so many opportunities in the world, and to just pass them by for a fleeting feeling I feel is ridiculous.
Why should I settle?

I see the way that I feel now
And I put that with the way that I was feeling before
and they don’t match up.
Could it be that I am falling out of love with him with each passing day?
Or could it be that I just don’t have to desire to keep pursuing his understanding?
I just can’t tell right now.

He was gone all weekend long in Atlanta.
He got back last night, and it barely phased me
I was upset about a few things, but I am becoming used to being disappointed.
Maybe that is a horrible thing to feel and say

I’m just about over it.
To be honest, I have been just about over it for a while now.


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